dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
