i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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