god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
