I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
