Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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