ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
