Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
