Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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