Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
