Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
