idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
