oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i out mim tonsoeep
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