what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
