I'm gonna have a badass scar
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
