on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
