I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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