I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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