Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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