I smell stomach acid.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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