Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
