Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
