Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I'm really busy with my period
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