just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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