we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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