I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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