he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
