He had one of those small greek statue penises
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
