i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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