it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
