69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
