Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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