Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I supernannyed him into submission
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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