he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
