You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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