Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
