And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
