I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
