Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
