I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
