So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
