He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
