You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
