They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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