the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
