when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
