you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
