What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
