there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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