There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
