I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
