she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I think my moral compass just broke
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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