No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
